Holistic Family Heritage

This topic is something that has been heavy on my heart and mind for a long, long time. Ever since I was pregnant with my first child and planning a natural birth I have encountered situation after situation and person after person that did not understand how to be a parent totally; how to educate them self on being a parent, how to truly connect with children, and how be a loving, connected, present, respectful, and attached parent.

These were things that I took upon myself to learn well in advance. I read as many books, research articles, etc. that I could find about how to raise truly confident, loving, independent, and compassionate children. Everything pointed to the way you choose to parent. Are you a disconnected parent or a connected parent, are you a detached parent or an attached parent, all these things determined the level of confidence, independence, compassion, and love a child learned to show to others and the world around them. So, my husband and I consciously chose to become connected, attached, natural, holistic, and conscious parents!

We evaluated every aspect of our lives and made conscious choices to change areas that were incongruent with how to parent in this manner. We chose to use midwives, chiropractors, other natural practitioners, cloth diapers, elimination communication, baby wearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby-led weaning, whole food nutrition, no vaccinations, respectful parenting, gentle discipline, no spanking, unschooling, and a lot of other approaches to fully embrace what natural, holistic, and conscious parenting is to be! Are we perfect? By NO means! We simply have detailed out very specifically what the ideal family would look like ascribing to all these things, and we continually strive to reach this ideal and are continually learning lessons from our mistakes, making changes to the way we approach things, etc. The key is that we are continually being conscious of our actions, reactions, communication, examples, words, actions, etc. so that we know we are BEING connected, conscious, respectful, and attached parents.

This is an ideal that MUCH of our society does not know, think of at all, or care much about. Even among the supposedly natural, holistic, and conscious communities this level of connection, respect, and conscious interaction with children is not practiced or understood to the degree I had hoped to see it. I have been at MANY conscious living moms events that one would only assume it was welcome to bring their young children, especially a nursing infant or toddler. However, to my complete dismay, I, many times, was the ONLY mother there with her nursling, and was ultimately asked to LEAVE due to the fact that they felt my child was being distracting. I felt like an outcast among those who “SAY” they are conscious people, yet made NO effort what so ever to connect with me and my child on any level, other than to say we support you. Yet, I am being asked to leave?!? What kind of support is that? And I didn’t ask for their support, I didn’t need their support. What I was asking for and needing was community and connection to mothers that believe, live, and practiced the same conscious mothering that I desired to constantly provide for my child. I did not get that!

Thus, my mission and passion with Holistic Family Heritage has come to be educating society on the desperate and deep need of our world to RE-CONNECT with our children and truly honor, respect, connect, and teach them. Not to push them aside and make them and their parents feel unwelcome or an imposition to have around. I work with businesses, private business owners, community groups, parents, events, and other people, situations, and organizations to teach them how to provide an environment that is both welcoming and accommodating to parents and non-parents alike, to conscious parenting parents and non-conscious parenting parents alike. Children should ALWAYS be welcome with their parents no matter what the setting or situation is. They should never feel like they cannot be with their parents, or the parents feel like they cannot be somewhere because they desire to have their child with them or that child desires to be with their parents. To force either situation causes frustration, anger, and a lot of misunderstanding for young children. We then experience an upset child, one that is no longer happy and content, for something they need is being denied them. This is not nurturing, respectful, loving, or connected. It is complete a disconnection of the child and parent relationship.

I also strive to teach parents how to become a conscious parent, how to understand and strive for the ideals of conscious parenting and implement necessary changes into their lives.

To my astonishment this need for RE-CONNECTION with our children extends well beyond cultural and geographical boundaries. At a Buddhist Temple, a place where I felt for sure this culture and religious/lifestyle practice would completely welcome, respect, and connect with my child; I was asked to leave with my son because he was being distracting to a few people nearby. There were many children present, and my son was certainly not the loudest or rowdiest, yet still this occurred.

Now, I completely understand that I cannot assume that all of this culture and religion are this way simply based on the actions of a few. Nor, can I assume that all of the natural, holistic, and conscious living communities are this way based on the actions of a few. Therefore, I do not judge them, I am still apart of them all. What I am saying is that even in an environment or situation that ascribe to conscious living, there are still those who don’t get it fully. There are still many who do not know how to connect with children and accept them as a legitimate and integral part of our society. This alienates children, puts them in a “class” or “section” all their own, away from those they are suppose to be learning about life from, their parents and other “would-be role models”, adults.

Have you ever been to a church where children are not welcome in the “adult” service, thus there is “children’s church” that takes place at the same time as “adult church” so that the children are not present with the mass of adults, and there are only a few adults that volunteer their time to serve and connect with the children? This is so that the adults don’t feel distracted or disturbed by the children, because when a parent does decide to bring his/her child into the “adult church” there are those unwelcoming glares. This is heartbreaking! To alienate and disconnect from our children this way! Our children need to be present to see how we worship, and do other things, this is how they learn.

Now, “Sunday School Classes” are a bit different, as everyone is broken up into age categories to learn, on a more intimate and understandable level, their faith, and there is a need for socialization of similar age groups and intelligence levels, even among children. However, this too should be limited. Have you ever noticed that in a family dynamic the second, third, forth, and all subsequent children tend to do things faster, earlier, and learn quicker the things that took the first a little bit longer to do? It is because they have more people in the family to watch and learn from, but also because there is an upgrade to their own level of cognitive skills. They get to challenge themselves with things that they would not of otherwise know or considered to attempt. They learn from those who have done it before them.

I did not mean to really get on any soapbox about religion at all. I was simply using the dynamics of the environment and situation as an example of how we continually disconnect from our children and don’t consciously think about it, its affects, nor choose a different choice.

My family chooses to worship with our children, meditate with them, and exercise with them, etc. We let them into all areas of our life to learn, mature, and become intelligent, confident, independent, loving, compassionate, and connect individuals. We want our children to know that they can be with us if they desire to be, and not with us if they don’t desire to be. It is their choice and we will participate as a family or not at all if they desire to be with us.

Without this level of connection and consciousness as parents our children will continue to grow up disconnected from their world and others. We will continue to have behavioral issues in society of aggression, violence, etc. It is in parenting with respect, love, compassion, connection, attachment, and complete consciousness that a child can grow up knowing that they are loved, honored, respected, cared about, able to be self-sufficient, a free-thinker, and have learned how to be those things in return to those around them, they are connected and conscious individuals themselves.

By truly taking a deep introspective look at ourselves as parents and making the conscious choices and changes needed to raise our children in this way we are able to change the heritage of our world and of families for generations to come. It all starts with you, the parent! How do you choose to live and parent? Choose to be the change for a more sustainable world and family heritage; choose to be a conscious parent!

Peace and Blessings,

Leigh Anne DuChene

Founder and President of Holistic Family Heritage